Um.... Britney, I saw her live and yes she doesn't sing live, but my god how she used to dance it is A-MA-ZING. Christina has the better voice but over sings when she;s live, it's like when you open a gift that is surrounded by Styrofoam.
Thursday, 23 December 2010
Wednesday, 15 December 2010
What was your goal for 2010, and how did you get on?
Quit smoking. *lights up another one* I failed.
What's your resolution for 2011? Why did you pick that, and why's it important to you?
Lose weight, just because the beer belly is annoying me now.
If you could make one celebrity vanish from the public eye in 2011 so you never had to hear anything about them again, which little fucker would you choose?
The Kardashians (they only have enough personality and talent between them to barely make one person so they still count)
How would you feel about Camilla becoming Queen?
Tis absolutely fine and is what should happen.
Which country would you *most* like to visit, and why?
Peru, because I want to do the Incan trail.
Which country would you *least* like to visit, and why?
Any african country or very strict middle eastern ones, I'd get far too nervous about being a homosexualist.
What's the best thing about your home town (the town you grew up in), and do you still live there? If so, would you ever leave?
My friends. And I would leave, cos they're not going to be here all the time are they?
Can you think of a single valid reason for not declaring war on Wales?
It would take effort. And we already hold power over them anyway really.
Wayne Rooney reportedly earns £250,000 a week - do you think there should be limits on what sports stars are paid, or is it none of our business what private companies pay their staff?
They get paid a stupid, stupid amount, and I think that kind of money should go to someone who actually does something helpful. But they are a private company, so life's just a bitch.
Can you think of a single valid reason for not declaring war on whales?
Just because they are just aquatic beings that have never harmed me I guess.
What's the most you'd pay for the following things: a haircut/a pair of shoes/a month's rent/an aftershave/a concert ticket?
haircut: £50 if it included an amazing dye job as well. pair of shoes= £40. a months rent = well it would depend on my financial circumstances. an aftershave =£15 a concert ticket =£60
First Draft of First Chapter of a New Story
Anyway, here it is:
A Ferry Crossing
Illuminated by torches strung from either side of the decking the small boat drifted with not so much as a splash through the light mist and the silvery reflections of the moon. There were a few clouds dispensing the moisture within the air, but not as many as the weather shamans had predicted, who had testified that this year’s harvest could be ruined by the onslaught of rain that was to fall.
This year’s summer had been a hot one, but had been punctuated with heavy rain and all the farmers were hoping for a good crop this year, as they had done the year before and the years before that.
Sat next to the alchemist was his assistant Jahide, a scrawny young boy who couldn’t be more that fourteen years of age. Jahide was as dark skinned as Ala’Karim, but his eyes were sunken and he seemed to have a look of constant anxiety about him. He carried the bags (of which there were no less than six, two of which were almost as big as the boy himself). He currently sat upon one of the large bags, with the other resting upright which he was using as a pillow as he lounged with his tatty cloak pulled over him to guard against the cold rain. Other assorted bags were at his feet, but it was the box that hung by a shoulder strap that intrigued the Captain; it was made of an orange metal and even though it was only the size of a closed fist it had impressed black locks running along every edge yet no keyhole. No doubt there had to be magic involved, thought the Captain, frowning as he remembered the times the Navy would bring the Hydro Sorcerers onto the ships in case of bad weather, as though they weren’t a bad omen in themselves.
Across the other side of the boat, standing next to Jerry, the only other member of crew upon the ferry, was the young Initiate Peter. The Captain knew him well for they were related through marriage; his daughter Poppy has married Peter’s eldest brother Maurice who was the leader of the Watch in the town. Peter had his back turned to the alchemist, as it was known by the Clergy that an alchemist could cause your mind to become intoxicated with a long stare. His hood was drawn up over his head and his hands were stretched out in front of him upon the railing and every so often the Captain heard some muffled retches. The Captain shook his head; Peter was the runt of the litter in his opinion, with his tiny frame, his wispy ginger hair already deserting his head even though he was only into his twentieth year and his sea sickness. Thank God Poppy had married the strapping, rich and sensible Marcus instead of this brown robed nobody who couldn’t even climb up the Clerical ladder despite having been an Initiate since his fifteenth birthday.
Further down from the sad figure of Peter was a young boy dressed in tatty rags and who was just sitting on the decking in front of the bow of the ship where he had immediately sat as soon as he boarded the ferry, staring forwards silently as though willing the boat to go faster so he could get to the other side, or, get away from the previous side. He had no hood and his curly shoulder length blonde hair was drenched and blew around his head in matted clumps. Laid next to him was a small knapsack and a shepherd’s crook. The Captain had seen many a young herdsman on his ferry over the years, usually trying to make it in the city as a groundsman for the wealthier families or just as runaways from cruel masters. Though which this young boy was doing the Captain couldn’t guess.
Casglave wasn’t the biggest city, but it was certainly a busy one, sitting alongside the river Glave the city had massive farmlands around it in almost every direction. The main city bustled with life from the small port upon the river, where fishermen and merchants came to sell goods and food, and where the boatyards busted with the production of pleasure boats for the wealthy or small fishing boat fleets for the fishmongers. In the centre of the city was the Church of His Holy Father, where the inhabitants flocked to every Sunday and even for some, several times a week. Surrounding the church was the Merchant’s Plaza, where there were stores for fabrics, paintings, carpentry and everything a person could need.
North of the Merchant’s Plaza was were the rich and successful folk of Casglave lived, the Mayor Samuel Lystor and his wife Charlotte occupied the massive white fronted mansion that connected to the City Hall and the members of the Privy Council lived in the surrounding houses, all made of white stone with pillars and spectacular engravings of justice and religious symbols.
The eastern and western areas of the city were filled with long terraces of houses, taverns and yet more shops with more modest prices. In the eastern district stood the imposing Watchman Tower around which the large brownstone jail wrapped in a half crescent. Opposite the Tower was Marcus and Poppy’s home, a large three story building crafted from wood and stone and topped with an old thatch roof.
The Captain smiled as the boat sidled up to the jetty and the strange ensemble of passengers started to stand and ready their belongings. Ala’Karim struck a match and lit another cigar as he watched Jahide swing the two massive bags onto his back and secure the smaller bags around his waist. As Jerry threw the mooring ropes to the docksman on the jetty Peter still stood by the railings his knuckles white and his face, which had turned slightly towards the Captain, was tinged with green. The young herdsman at the bow of the ferry was now standing, leaning over the railing, seemingly trying to take in all the sights, smells and sound of the port in at once. It was a few moments after Ala’Karim had managed to clamber down onto the jetty with Jahide in tow that the young boy turned round and ran for the plank down to the jetty, almost slipping on the wet deck in his haste, his shepherd’s crook in one hand and his knapsack thrown over his shoulder.
As the Captain started extinguishing his lanterns and torches for this had had been his last trip of the day, Peter finally let go of the railing and stumbled towards the gangplank, hiccoughing and clasping his hand over his mouth. As he reached the jetty he gave one last big retch and vomited into the water much to the amusement of the young boys unloading a merchant’s boats on the next jetty over. With their leers and shouts behind him Peter staggered down the jetty and soon disappeared into the crowd.
The Captain extinguished the last torch at the bow of the ship and exchanged a glance with Jerry, before departing the ferry himself and heading off through the drizzle home to his wife and hopefully a big bowl of venison broth.
Tuesday, 7 December 2010
You are king of the world for the next few minutes. Enact 3 laws that will benefit mankind.
1) I get a premiership footballers wage, FOR LIFE. 2) Contraceptives are handed out by every single annoying charity person on the high streets - they might as well be handy and 3) All men hotter than me must either be exactly what i look for personality wise, or they must follow me around all the time and do my bidding. Yes, these all benefit mankind. And if I was King of the World, I'd get more than 3 laws through, like bringing back capital punishment, castrating paedophiles and making every-one who is bigoted put in a dark room with lots of shin high objects.
If you could date any celebrity, who would it be?
Well, either Lady GaGa, Rupert Grint, Tom Hardy or quite a few others to be honest. I'm not that picky.
Where would you like to spend your retirement?
Get twatted every day in some lovely country with a brilliant all year round climate.
If you could be on one TV show which one would it be?
Brothers and Sisters, Sex and the City, Modern Family,.... Out of the three probably Bros &Sis', as Justin's boyfriend once he realises he should be gay and with me.
Sunday, 5 December 2010
What are your thoughts on porridge? Yay? Nay? Meh? WTF?
Meh, I don't really ever eat breakfast so I don't usually get a chance to eat it, I used to like it as a kid, but I dunno... I class it as a cereal and I don't like cereals lol. I'd rather just have some bacon.
Thursday, 2 December 2010
Two/three questions in one: What profession do you most and least admire? And what profession would you most like to enter other than the one you do or for which you're studying?
I most admire the professions where people who earn the biggest amounts of money and selflessly realise they don';t need that much money and give a massive, massive amount of it back - Bill Gates and Steve Wozniack (or however you spell his name) are prime examples of mega rich, mega-giving people.
Is there one television channel you find yourself watching more than any other? IOf so, which?
Probably BBC One just cos I LOVE Never Mind The Buzzcocks and Have I Got News for You and QI. But if Modern Family and Brothers and Sisters are on the same channel, that's what i watch as well
Have you ever practiced winning an Oscar speech in the mirror?
No, but I have practised winning an oscar/Grammy/VMA/brit etc award in my mind many a time
Tuesday, 30 November 2010
Paedophilia is a sexuality, didn't ask for it, don't want it. You can't say otherwise because you don't know
You need to get help, and not just from constantly trying to get a reaction out of me, like, you need to see someone that can actually help you.
If you joined the circus, what act would you most want to perform? xD
If I could do all the acrobatic shit, that would be AWESOME.
Thursday, 25 November 2010
New Dailybooth
MGS4
I've only just got to the bit where you meet up with Rat Patrol and the FROGS storm the hotel place and you are left in the car park.
I want to go and play (I say play, I have given up on sneaking, I just run around with my custom M4 blazing like a motherfucker)... but it's in the bedroom and I'm in the living room..... EFFORT.
Thursday, 18 November 2010
Long Time, No Blog (Shit, The Sims and Books)
Well, what has gone down since I galavnated off on holiday with Steve? Well, I have left uni (absolutely hated my course) and am now looking into doing a History or Politics and International Relations degree, hopefully at Canterbury, but I may have to redo my History A-Level... bummer.
History is more of a hobby for me you see, I really, really enjoy reading about it, recently I have just finished two Antonia Fraser books, Cromwell - Our Chief of Men
In other news my left eye has been annoying me for a period of about 3 weeks now, it's very sore most of the time and once I get back home (I am currently staying at Steve's) I will make a doctor's appointment I think.
I have started a new diet, with the aid of a fitness website and their iPhone app, it's early days yet, but they have a cool ticker thing that shows how close you are to goal weight:
I have also decided to cut back on my drinking, I've been drinking far too much over the last year, which has not only added to my weight but also to the general feeling of depression that I've had for the past few years. It's not like I'm sitting home cutting myself but I'm not sitting at home loving my life either.
Urgh, sorry for the random off-topicness, but Steve's sister just opened the door to the room that their puppies are in, and everytime she does it the overwhelming smell of shit comes through into this side of the house - it's the only thing I've always hated about being here - the main house smells of animals. Now I've been to houses where people have loads of pets and it doesn't reek of them, so why does his family find it so hard? Of course it doesn't bother them in the main house (we are in an annex) cos the smells filter through into here! How on earth they are going to manage to sell this place with it smelling like animal shit I have no idea.
I hope you have all been reading some goods, I have finished the two aforementioned history books, but I also managed to finish Mrs Fry's Diary
I am currently reading the second book by Karen Maitland "The Owl Killers: A Novel
Besides all the stuff above I've basically been sitting playing The Sims 2
It isn't the best job of creating people on the Sims that I've done but I thought it was ok. I built them a house, yet didn't have enough funds for furniture so it stayed empty for a while (I know the money cheats but I just didn't want to use it). This is downstairs:
And this is upstairs:
Of course not having much furniture led the Sims not to be happy chappies:
For some reason my Sim decided to hit on my friends boyfriend, who weirdly i fancy in real life:
And that resulted in Steve and that Sim getting into a scuffle (Notice my Sim not being bothered in the slightest and just continuing to clean the shower):
That wasn't the only sordid affair though, that sim who I had been flirting with, well, his girlfriend got it on with the boyfriend of another sim!
It wasn't all doom and gloom though, they were some real advances in relationships:
And then, on my wedding day, this dozy bint set fire to the kitchen and herself:
And that children, is what happens when you drop out of University and have no life.
So far today I have played a bit on Assassin's Creed II
I know I keep saying this, but I really hope I stick to writing this, it's nice just to unload some things - the house smelling of shit is something I haven't spoken to anyone about so it's nice to get it out there.
Well, I'm off for now. I do hope something interesting happens today or this blog will continue to be as boring as shite :)
Friday, 3 September 2010
Thursday, 2 September 2010
Monday, 2 August 2010
Books, Picnic and Not A Lot Of Stuff To Say
Friday, 23 July 2010
No More Cheese
Vampires, Filling Butts With Water, £1.25 A Pint and A House of Bacon
So the day didn't start off too great when I awoke with the most banging headache, the kind that heat induces and is made only worse by the fact that my face had got stuck mid-rotation during the night and was just moving the hot air into my face - which is weird cos usually the hot air is coming out of it.
I had to be up and about for my blood test at 10.55 and had to go and turn on the hose at my friend's dads allotment to fill up the water butt - and I am really not a morning person so obviously I thought all this early morning activity was fantastic and I greeted it like Mel Gibson would greet a Jew at his door.
I threw on the same shorts I'd been wearing for the last week and a half (weirdly I'm wearing them now but they have been washed - what can I say, when you gain as much weight as I do in a short space of time it's only a matter of time until the only thing that fits you are one pair of shorts and a mumu fashioned out some recycled curtains.) I also wore a top with Zippy on it, so people probably thought I was a jackass who had never even watched Rainbow before (just like when I diss on people for wearing Rolling Stones and The Beatles tops when they obviously have no clue. I get a bit of shit sometimes for wearing my Magic Roundabout t-shirt - urr excuse me, I love Dylan, Dougal and Brian thank you very much... Or is it Bryan? Who cares.).
So I went and turned the hose on and stuck it in the butt (teehee) and on my way to the Clinic for my blood test I started to get a little bit nervous, I'm fine with needles and stuff but I always get a bit worried right before, and also it didn't help that it was almost 16 billion degrees outside so I started sweating like Paris Hilton whenever she encounters simple math.
I was so hot that when I actually got into the vampire's room, the nurse took one look at my sweaty face/neck/chest/back/groin and asked "Are you alright?" Make sure you lean all the way back in the chair and do you want a drink?"
Of course, me trying to be the great comedian I am answered "A vodka would go down well right now." The look I received cemented the fact in my mind that she thought I was a complete alcoholic who should be locked up, sent to Azkaban and sucked by a Dementor.
So my blood was stolen, probably to be sent off to some Nazi lab to figure out the cure for gay and I was royally fucked off I didn't get a lolly. It's like "bitch I know there's a whole jar of them behind you give me a blue one NOW."
Walking back to the allotment to check on the hose I felt like a complete knob with the "plaster" on my arm - why is it called a plaster? It's just some bloody sticky tap and a ball of fluff, should be called sticky fluff or flufstick or this-is-not-a-plaster-just-a-device-to-make-you-look-like-a-mong. Hmmmmm... might copyright that. I mean, it makes you walk around with you arm bent around as though you are trying to show it off so you can earn some street cred just cos you're so 'ard.
So I did all my allotment thing - so many bloody old people there at 11 in the morning, it's as though the old folks home just turfs them out and tricks them into thinking it's wartime so they grow prize winning vegetables for their evil masters.
I had been invited out that evening by my lovely friend Bacon (yes that is her surname) to go to Southend to the pub as a welcome home party for her as she had been travelling Italy for a month. Jammy bitch.
Never one to turn down a night of heinous drinking I accepted and made myself look sexy (weirdly enough in the aforementioned Magic Roundabout t-shirt).
I have a problem with my ankles, where if I have to walk to the train station or the corner shop, they just give up on me and feel like they've burst into flame, though I can walk anywhere else and they are fine - what is up with that?
So by the time I get to the train station at about 20 to 5 my ankles are viciously on fire, my Paris Hilton sweat has returned but now it's more a kinda Lindsay Lohan confronted with a random drugs test cascade.
Whilst on the train my blood test patch started aching so I started moving my arm around, and the man opposite me just stared at me as though I was conjuring some ancient voodoo to eat his daughter and his dog. Ok that was a lie, he doesn't have a daughter - can I say total fag?
So I finally arrive at the pub with Bacon and a couple of her friends including Rob who is one of her university housemates down in gay ol Brighton.With pints being £1.25 it became pretty evident I was in no state to catch my 10.30 train back home so I was loving coerced into going back to Bacon's house (which can I say is like a million miles away from where I live). So drunk as skunks me, Bacon and Rob made in back to her house (after I had lost a whole new pack of cigarettes - FUCKING RAGE cannot even describe this feeling, I am still bitching about it now.). The second we were in Bacon's house her mother asked her what she had been doing all night and Bacon just cried out "SMOKING DA REEFA!" so now her mother believes we're all stoners.
Now, even though they are just friends, there is a whole of sexual tension between Bacon and Rob - they are basically like brother and sister, but you just know they will move to Norfolk or Alabama, fuck each other and children with six arms and three teeth.
Waking up the next morning was a wonderful experience, got hit by a hangover that felt like Oprah was sitting on me hoping to turn me into a charity case.
And what was the first thing I did?
Obviously I took pictures of Bacon and Rob sleeping, it's what any caring friend would do. I am always the first to wake up and it's so awkward! I had a cottonmouth and all I could think was that I need better meth connections so I can pass out with the rest of them.
Now Bacon's house was slightly strange, I don't know whether they are moving out soon or not, but there were boxes of stuff everywhere, but at least the ones in the bath said "nice day" so it made me feel slightly better.
So those were my adventures from Tuesday, hopefully I'll be off on more very soon!
Monday, 19 July 2010
Just noticed....
A song I made up in my new YouTube video that wouldn't upload
Whose face was rather gnarly
She had a boyfriend called Ross
Whose penis she would toss
And.... he would jizz all over her face.
So My Plans For Tomorrow Are....
So I need to turn on the hose, and then walk about 15 minutes to the clinic to get some blood taken out to be tested to see if I have Diabetes or whatever is causing me to be so thirsty all the time so that should be fun. I'm then going back to the allotment to check the water level and if it hasn't risen to my standards then I shall sit and read my Cromwell book for a while - because it's going to be sunny, and it's quiet there so I don't mind. Then come back home and either do some working out on the Wii if my arm allows it (don't know how achey it's going to be after the blood test) or might just lounge around with my book.
And if my arm is feeling alright I will help my friend water the allotment, but if not her boyfriend is going to help her so yeah..... that's my plan!
Monday, 14 June 2010
I hate Tumblr
Don't have time for self-pitying people or people who believe that having 57568987869865786757798790678658658657089 online followers on a site are important, especially when on Tumblr you usually just repost things other people have made or taken. So irritating, probably populated by a load of people younger than me. They are the worst kind of people.
Even worse than Katy Perry and Taylor Swift having children with Justin Bieber and then those children going onto the Disney channel but not managing to die young through having a Britney style break down after showing that they "can't be tamed."
I have been watching the World Cup this year
Will try and get back into this more often now that Charlee (who has a blog over at http://shefellinthecake.blogspot.com/ if you're interested?) has got me reading my stuff again.
I'm in such a weird mood today, kind of want to get naked and slap the kitten with my penis then run away and pretend I'm Katy Perry by hiding in the wardrobe till Steve comes home and I pretend to be relevant to modern day society just cos I once "Kissed A Girl" but didnt even write my own song about it.
Fucking Katy Perry, shush yo mouth.
Damn gurl that was a rant.
Over and out.
Sunday, 25 April 2010
I actually hate the smell of cat food
Friday, 23 April 2010
No-one will believe me but....
Thursday, 22 April 2010
New Vlog!
30 Days of GaGa
Day 01 - Your favourite Lady Gaga picture
DaY 02 - Your favourite Lady Gaga video
Day 03 - Your least favourite Lady Gaga song
Day 04 - Your favourite Lady Gaga song
Day 05 - Your favourite Lady Gaga GIF
Day 06 - Your favourite Lady Gaga quote
Day 07 - Your favourite Lady Gaga outfit
Day 08 - A rumor you believed about Lady Gaga
Day 09 - A video of Lady Gaga. Any kind of Video.
Day 10 - A song from The Fame Monster and why you decided this one.
Day 11 - A song from The Fame and why you decided this one
Day 12 - The song that got you lovin Gaga and why
Day 13 - A Lady Gaga song you could never get tired of and why
Day 14 - A letter you’d write to Lady Gaga if she could read it
Day 15 - A song that you can relate to by Lady Gaga if not, a video you could never get tired of seeing.
DaY 16 - Something you absolutely love about Lady Gaga
Day 17 - Your favourite tumblr dedicated to Lady Gaga
Day 18 - A Lady Gaga GIF that makes you laugh all the time
Day 19 - The very first Lady Gaga song you heard
Day 20 - A song from an artist who should work with Lady Gaga
Day 21 - Your least favourite Lady Gaga song
Day 22 - The last Lady Gaga song you listened to
Day 23 - A picture of Stefani Germanotta
Day 24 - A song from an Artist Lady Gaga should never work with
Day 25 - Something that you own that reminds you of Lady Gaga
Day 26 - A picture or song that shows perfectly why you love Lady Gaga
Day 27 - A picture or song that would have made you dislike Lady Gaga
Day 28 - A picture that shows Lady Gaga’s fashion
Day 29 - A still picture from the video Telephone that you love
Day 30 - Write a paragraph about the things you love about Lady Gaga
What I'm Up To Currently.. RIGHT AT THE VERY MOMENT!
Anyway, that's enough of my rambling as I desperatly need the loo, so please remember to check out the video :D
Friday, 26 March 2010
Thursday, 25 March 2010
This has made my life.
Cheryl Cole on Radio 1's Live Lounge
Only the last one seems to hold weight at the moment, as after seeing this I cannot believe the hype that is around her. It irritates me when she performs live anyway, often miming most of the time just because she has to do some 'dancing'. But this, ladies and gents.... well see for yourselves...
New Review On KarloKatastrophe!
Well here goes nothing
Today is a very boring day to stay blogging, not much is happening - my current plans include:
1) ridding myself of my headache
2) doign the washing up
3) cooking dinner (cheesburgers and chips) for the boyfriend and I
4) either playing the sims 2/final fantasy xiii or watching season 3 of brothers and sisters whilst the man is at work - he’s working during the night today at his job as merchandiser at Tesco.
I will surely update this with some ‘riveting’ news on what I choose to do, with maybe a more detailed explanation of why you’d even be interested in reading about me :)




















